California

 A week ago I got to visit Natalie (and Bela) out in California for a whole week.  It was such a fun trip!  I haven't ever been that far out west and never to California.  I loved it and would do it again.  I don't know if I would live there, but I would visit again.

 

 Natalie and I with our favorite Indian, Bela.  We are also eating at My Favorite Indian Restaurant...Indian buffet....that's all I can say.

 Pier 39 with the sea lions that took over after the earthquake of 1989.  No one knows where they came from and why they stayed.

 Laughing Sal at Musee Mecanique, an antique penny arcade at Fisherman's Wharf.  She was terrifying.  This arcade was featured in The Princess Diaries

 

Also featured in The Princess Diaries.  Nat and I enjoyed posing and Nat even tried it out.

 

We went on a loooooong walk up and down the hills of San Francisco and we ended up getting lost in some neighborhoods.  Soon after this picture was taken I rolled my ankle.  I was ok...until I did it again a little while later.  No more running on the beautiful trails in the foothills for me.  It was pretty sad, but I was still able to walk.

 

 

We spent a day at the Golden Gate Bridge, trekking in the city to find something to eat and a stop at Philz (the BEST coffee I have had), and a little bit at Muir Woods.  Sadly Muir Woods was the last stop and we only could stay 45 minutes before it closed.  Everything closes early there...even the national parks.  We walked the Golden Gate and it took us probably an hour and a half maybe to go over and back.  It was really beautiful with a great view.  The people who live there have an amazing area to live in.

One day while Nat was sleeping for work, Bela and I went to Alcatraz Penitentiary.  It was one of the coolest things to see in San Francisco.  I wish there was more history on the origin of them prison.  The audio tour was very well done and informative.  We were able to walk through the prison area, recreation yard, a work area, the cafeteria, and see the areas where families of the guards were housed.  I was surprised to find out that the guard's actually had their families on the same island as a federal prison AND raised children there.  How that worked....I have no idea.  The best part about Alcatraz (well there really wasn't a best thing about this place, being a federal prison) is that it is recent history with guards and prisoners who are still alive today to tell stories about it.

 

The recreation yard.  It looks big in this photo, but was really small.

 
 The prison cells were so small, only the bare necessities present

 

 Native American Indians took the island over for 19 months in 1969 to protest the government's unfair treatment of their people.  Grafitti like this was present in  different areas

 Steep stairways (with Bela's leg)

 We went to dinner at a LEGIT Chinese restaurant.  It was the best Chinese food I have tasted.  The noodles were hand made (!!!!!) and the food wasn't greasy!

 China Town

 Philz coffee: the real San Francisco treat.  Each cup hand made right when you order with cream that they make themselves as well.  It is the best coffee I have had.

All in all I had a really good time with these traveling dorks.  I would do it again!!!

I have accepted a nursing job this past week.  It was nice to have some time off, but it is also a nice relief to know that I have a job and don't have to keep looking.  As soon as I had accepted officially today I get another call for an interview.  I'll keep it in the back pocket if it doesn't work out.  It will be good to have a paycheck and insurance and something to do with my time.

I haven't had the chance to meet a lot of people here in St. Louis.  I have not really been out so much and most of my first week and a half was spent with family.  I had the chance to have drinks with my friends and a couple of their friends. That was a nice break in the monotony of the every day.  Because I'm not working every day fades into the next.  I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed until about 9 or 10 am.  A habit that I hate.  I love morning time.  7am-9am seems to be sort of a "magic hour" where everything seems new.  It helps that there's also coffee.  Soon that will be messed up of sorts when I'm back to my night schedule.

I'm going to Castro Valley, California this week!  My first trip to the West coast and I am really excited about it.  I'm excited to see my sister and see the things she has found and explore some more.

So much has changed since June......

 I moved from Florida to Missouri!!!  The change came gradually (and painfully) but in the end it was pretty clear that I wasn't to stay in Orlando for this time in my life.  The past 3 years have been incredibly hard but very healing.  I lived with a family who has become not only my friends but my family.  It was a hard decision as they moved to Atlanta for me to decide to leave and go to St. Louis.  I would make up my mind to maybe stay in Orlando, then it would change to St. Louis, then it would change to Atlanta, then back again to a previous decision.  In the end it was clear to move closer to my Midwest relatives and further from my family in Florida.  My best friend from childhood (21 years and counting) lives 2 doors down with her new husband.  That is such a comfort in transition.

I left my job I have had for the past 4 years.  I loved my coworkers. It was so sad to leave behind people there that I knew and enjoyed working with.  The floor, patients, doctors, and families were crazy but I really enjoyed the people I worked with.  Especially nice since I love to travel and got all the days off that I needed.  A little scared this won't happen in my next job.  But we will see as I do some interviews what the job future looks like.

I might have picked the worst time to move....December.  The past few weeks have been busy with packing up my life into a truck, driving 1200 miles while towing my car behind, and unpacking it again.  With all of that came Christmas in Florida and Illinois, New Years in Missouri, and a wedding in Iowa (along with the polar vortex that hit this week).  This week has been the first time I have actually sat down and faced the decision I made to move and the reality of it all.  There have been tears....and I'm not a crier.

I'll write more about the snow and the cold.  Its been an adventure to drive, and I only really have driven once because I slid and got stuck!

So here is to more updates and new adventures.

I never mean to go for months without any blogging.  It just happens.  Sometimes I think about what would make a good blog post, but then time gets away and I don't turn my computer on.  It has been a month since I've powered up.

And then there are the pictures that I want to put up for the little things that have happened.  Going to RUF summer conference and having a nice relaxing week.  Planting flowers with my little kiddo housemates.  And the most looked to event this year has been my best friend's wedding last month!  It was so much fun and excitement and much anticipation.  Hanging out with old friends and making new ones.  It was fun to just be up there a few days early with Sarah to do last minute things and get mani/pedis together and go on coffee runs, or staying up late to talk and laugh about old times and looking forward to the future the same as when we were just little girls dreaming about getting married.  Special little moments. 

So, pictures to follow once they are uploaded.

Ramblings

Wow, so been awhile.  Since September not much has happened in the way of exciting.  Mostly going to India the end of October and going on a Disney cruise a few weeks ago.  Both trips were amazing!!  I loved India, I want to go back.  The cruise was awesome!  Very top of the line and did not disappoint, as Disney rarely does for me.

I don't really know what to write any more on a blog.  Updates on life?  Well, my life is pretty mundane and boring, pretty normal.  I know that I don't have a huge fan base of readers wanting me to write more....give me a break.  I don't want to be the cutesy blog showing only the perfection of my absolutely perfectionless life. 

Which goes back to my life being pretty normal and boring.  Its hard to go through the normalness of life, the every day grind.  Work, sleep, friends, family.  I expected it to be grand and glorious when I was little.  "Grown up" life seemed so glamorous.  I didn't expect to feel like I've hit rock bottom emotionally, be alone and feel alone, struggle with depression, struggle daily with my body image and relationship with food and the addiction that would become.  I didn't expect I would ever put a knife to my skin and feel as if it were the relief I needed in the moment of so much emotional pain.  I didn't know that I would feel forsaken and left alone by God and struggle with an actual relationship and come to grips of with what I believe and if I really did believe.  I didn't think I would ever question what I believed about God.  I didn't expect some relationships with friends and then losing the relationship or certain aspects of them.  I did not know the depth of pain from death and losing some remnant of complete security and love until 2 years ago.  I never thought I would see a complete shell of a woman staring back at me with sad, blank, dead eyes.  I did not know the depth of wounds I have received and the depth of those I have given.

I would love to say my life is GREAT!  Until it becomes that way (if ever), I will figure out what to do about this blog.

Anyone out there like me that feels like a fake, a fraud, a phony?  Such a disconnect between what I want other people to see and what is really in my heart.  Afraid to say something because of what might be thought or how I may be perceived.  Afraid to say I struggle with an eating disorder, cutting, and so many doubts about myself.  I consistently and constantly doubt and question the faith I was raised with. 

I will be the first to throw the stone. But then I will probably deny it.

 One of my first good friends with long lasting friendship from Orlando.  We were almost roommates her first year in Orlando, became random friends watching Real World the first time we hung out, lived together my first year as a career woman while we lived with 5 other girls, was my inspiration for moving downtown, and had an eventful trip to Washington DC her 6 months away. 

College days at RUF, not a college party, ignore the red cup

Chik-Fil-A cows to get our free meal

Night out!

Washington DC 2 years ago

Can't wait to see you, Alex, and hug your neck and experience India with you!!!  Although I was so bummed when everyone moved after college or left the country...I have been able to visit different places and can't wait for next month!!!