I love getting a lecture in the middle of the night about waking up on call on behalf of the patient. I'm sorry, you're on call?!? And I woke you up? My most sincere apologies. I thought you were on call to get paid to sleep. Must have mixed that up. I'll take the verbal beating for the better of my patient. Patients first, right?

"Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding."

Watched A River Runs Through It yesterday and this stood out to me. 

 I like it.

Texas: Here I Come!!

In a few weeks I will be venturing on my first trip out to Texas!!! I'm excited to see my old friends, David & Miranda, who I have not seen in 2 years. Time for a visit. Miranda was a dear friend during college and I had the privelage of seeing she and David grow in relationship and be in their wedding. Two better people to be together, I was never so excited to see a couple get married.

A few weeks ago I was able to spend 6 days in St Louis visiting my best friends: sister Melissa, and 20 year BFF Sarah. Melissa and I did a lot of NOTHING, laying around, watching a lot of Food Network and Mad Men. It was so nice to have someone to do nothing with, as I am usually doing nothing by myself. We saw plenty of family as well, nice and fun just to relax and see people. Sarah and I hung out, went to the Budweiser tour, walked in Forest Park, went on picnics, and visited a delicious Chocolate Bar!! Melissa and I joined Sarah and a few friends for a great concert by The Head and the Heart. It was...amazing.

Although this may be a morbid picture...its me and Grandma and Grandpa Bear on the mantle, one year later. We still have their ashes and are figuring out what to do with them as a family.

The Head and The Heart
In love...I want to marry the drummer, or the pianist, or the singer. I've always wanted to marry a band person, be on the road

Messing with the phone apps

Young Melissa and Allison
Old Melissa and Allison
We have turned out alright, despite our crazy circumstances and hurts. We are ok and in it together.

And finally, the free beer at the end of our tour. Unfortunately, this is one of the only pics I got with me and Sarah. But the some of the things together that I love in life: best friends and beer

I've been spending a lot of time with this little one

And these two as well

I love living with a family, the kids are some of the best therapy I could have. Good therapy for a lot of the shit that has gone on in the past few years. Most of my readers (as if I have "readers" hah), or I could say most of my friends know a little of my past history of pain and hurt. I have kept much secret and suffered a lot in silent shame and self destruction. I have swung between anorexia and bulimia for 8 years, mostly being on the bulimic side of things the majority of time. I have thought "I am the only one" and this has kept me silent for many years. I cannot say I am on the other side of an eating disorder, but I can say that I not longer am my eating disorder and I will not let it rule my life. There is too much at stake and it will kill me. I figure shedding light will chase out the secrets and lies. Darkness cannot live in light.

Goodbye, Facebook, maybe not forever. I am very tired of spending time trolling around the Facebook world, I have decided to give it up for an indefinite amount of time. Out of habit I still want to check my phone every 5 seconds. If people really need me, they'll have to get a hold of me like a real person used to back in the day. Call, text,write a letter, email, or drop on by my house. It let an insecure girl feel more secure and comfortable through the computer. The convenience of Facebook fostered a false sense of community that I am more than happy to get rid of. I like belonging, but not to a virtual community. Face to face, heart to heart, that's what I want more of these days.
I don't want to stalk and I don't want to be stalked. If you're going to stalk, do it the old fashioned way.