NCLEX is beating me...I can't seem to study. I took a day off this past week and hung out with friends and family. I took a 150 practice test that took 3 hours and 15 minutes. Then I proceeded last night to use my roommates computer and took another test that stopped me at a question that requires me to type in the numbers. It wouldn't let me, and it frustrates me that I will have to go to school or the Kaplan center to utilize a computer. I hate this.

Not sure why I can't study or why I feel I can't study. In some ways more than others I feel beaten down by my own feelings of doubt about this exam and the knowledge that I have. I am more petrified at failing this exam than I am of actually doing it and rocking it the way I know I could. In the practice tests I take I have done the same the whole entire time, which is fine because at least its not worse. I want to do better, my best. I could get so many of the questions right if I would just stick with my first gut right answer, instead I choose the wrong one!

So, all in all, I'm struggling with doubts and the security in myself. I find great security in the fact that I know a lot and am successful in what I do academically. Its something I've always struggled with, because once its taken away, I feel as if I have no base. God has painfully revealed this to me the past 3 years. I looked to school, and look to nursing for happiness and contentment when I know God is the source of contentment. He shows me this all the time, but seeking Him is the hardest thing in the world. I can't do it without Him, so why do I try to do it on my own?

I've been home for the weekend, which is nice. I'm keeping busy with studying, hanging with the family, petting my cat, wrestling the stupid dog, and catching naps inbetween!

I'm coming back this weekend for a wedding of a good childhood friend. So, I will be back here in a few days, then coming back the next Sunday for VBS where I will be passing snacks and hanging out with little kids. Inbetween the wedding and VBS I will turn 23 and take my NCLEX.

A nice surprise yesterday was running into my friend, Holly, who was in town for the week before heading back to her new job in TN. I love coming home when I can see old friends.

It is kind of setting in that I'm graduated, I think I keep commenting about that. People ask me how it feels...the same really because I have to review and study. After that, we'll see.

Scrub shopping in the coming weeks, stay tuned for pictures.

I was driving up to my Neighborhood Wal-Mart this afternoon and saw what appeared to be a very large squirrel. I thought to myself, "Wow, what a big squirrel! It must be one of those huge gray squirrels." Then I remembered gray squirrels are not native here. We have those tiny brown squirrels. It was a ferret! I laughed and thought of my friend, Amanda, who had a ferret. She named it Buzz because I suggested it to her and we were very much into Toy Story at the time!!

So just a little funny story in the mundaness of my life right now!

No title, just words

I have chosen to take my test on June 13, 8 am. Yes, its a Friday, yes its Friday the 13th. I chose to take it then because it is 2 weeks after I finish Kaplan, it is the day after my birthday (therefore birthday will be no studying anyways, just no late partying, save it for Friday night), it is the week before VBS at home, before Nat's crazy 21st, and it gives me a week off before I begin working! The other days I wanted didn't work or they had openings at 2 pm...who wants to wait all day until 2 pm to take a test? I hated my 3 pm tests this past semester. Torture!
Last night there was a celebration for a restaurant right down the street and my friend's band was playing. Lauren and I enjoyed it as well as some fireworks. We also found a family of snails outside of our house which intrigued us very much. Why? I don't know. The simple things that make college kid's days...
In about an hour I am meeting with an elder of the church to speak with him about membership and my testimony (yikes) as well as where I would like to serve. I'm not sure where, except I like the kids, but I also like the serving opportunities to the community, especially the homeless ministry. Back home there is no such ministry, and I really appreciate the impact UPC is making on the local homeless community. I didn't even know homeless people existed until I came here. I have done several breakfasts in the park, as well as the large homeless outreach in the fall, which was pretty amazing.

NCLEX

It looks like I will be taking NCLEX in about 3 weeks. After finishing Kaplan, its recommended to take it 2 weeks after the class while everything is still with you. That will put the test sometime around my birthday, but oh well. After today, I will be studying a lot. I have been studying, just not to the level as I should!

Nothing else warrants a long post right now.

Post Graduation

My life is a graduate, well it is kind of boring. I wake up every morning, review Kaplan material, review Kaplan questions, review some of my nursing books, go to the gym, take a break from reading, read some more, hang out a little with my roommates, and then I go to sleep. Next day, the same thing. Here and there I clean a house or so. Last week I cleaned 3 days in a row, which rounded out to a nice little sum of money towards rent!
My family was in town for volleyball over Mom's weekend. I got to see my littlest sister play, which was good, except they lost when I went. Boo. I look forward to going home, but not for a few weeks as I have nursery this week in church, and next week an elder interview for membership. I am pulling up roots from Pinewood and transferring down here to UPC! A "grown up" step for me, joining a church by myself. It is good tho, I like the teaching and the fellowship. Most of the fellowship college fellowship, I'm looking forward to moving ahead, but it scares me as well. I'm not that comfortable being an "adult" when I still feel like I'm 15. Is it always like that getting older?? I'm not even that old.
Back to Kaplan review...please pray for me as I prepare for NCLEX!! Sometimes I don't feel like I'm preparing the right way or can get through to the test!!

Graduation

I graduated on Friday!!! I have my BSN, its official. Now I have to prepare for NCLEX, starting my review class tomorrow and going through my books and notes!!