NCLEX is beating me...I can't seem to study. I took a day off this past week and hung out with friends and family. I took a 150 practice test that took 3 hours and 15 minutes. Then I proceeded last night to use my roommates computer and took another test that stopped me at a question that requires me to type in the numbers. It wouldn't let me, and it frustrates me that I will have to go to school or the Kaplan center to utilize a computer. I hate this.

Not sure why I can't study or why I feel I can't study. In some ways more than others I feel beaten down by my own feelings of doubt about this exam and the knowledge that I have. I am more petrified at failing this exam than I am of actually doing it and rocking it the way I know I could. In the practice tests I take I have done the same the whole entire time, which is fine because at least its not worse. I want to do better, my best. I could get so many of the questions right if I would just stick with my first gut right answer, instead I choose the wrong one!

So, all in all, I'm struggling with doubts and the security in myself. I find great security in the fact that I know a lot and am successful in what I do academically. Its something I've always struggled with, because once its taken away, I feel as if I have no base. God has painfully revealed this to me the past 3 years. I looked to school, and look to nursing for happiness and contentment when I know God is the source of contentment. He shows me this all the time, but seeking Him is the hardest thing in the world. I can't do it without Him, so why do I try to do it on my own?