I think I'm gonna like living here.
And I got new glasses!! Yay new glasses!
Friday, April 1, 2011
New Housemates!
These are two of my new housemates! They are fun, full of energy, and really cute!
I think I'm gonna like living here.
And I got new glasses!! Yay new glasses!
I think I'm gonna like living here.
And I got new glasses!! Yay new glasses!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The Compound
I moved! For the 5th time in 5 years, but the 2nd time in 7 months. A bit ridic, yes, but very necessary. To a better situation for me mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I am living with a young family with 2 little kiddos, 5 and 19 months and one on the way. As well as with another roommate who is also a nurse: similar hours!! (yay!) A sudden move, because I wasn't planning on it until 2 weeks ago. The last 3 weeks have gone by in one big haze, its amazing I'm still with it.
I moved in record time: 2.5 hours from picking up the truck to dropping it off again. It helped that I never fully unpacked in the other house. I loved that little house, but it wasn't good to stay. Not a good situation. A loving friend helped me pack up and move, all the while her 18 month old son strapped to her back. Now if that isn't a friend...so thankful for her!
Thankful to be in a new situation, hopefully for a good year or more.
I also went to the Avett Brothers concert! It was SO good!! Pictures to come, when I steal them from Kelly & Ande. It was so great to go and get away and concert it up. I love me a good concert and I love me a good concert shirt!!! So, I got 2!
I moved in record time: 2.5 hours from picking up the truck to dropping it off again. It helped that I never fully unpacked in the other house. I loved that little house, but it wasn't good to stay. Not a good situation. A loving friend helped me pack up and move, all the while her 18 month old son strapped to her back. Now if that isn't a friend...so thankful for her!
Thankful to be in a new situation, hopefully for a good year or more.
I also went to the Avett Brothers concert! It was SO good!! Pictures to come, when I steal them from Kelly & Ande. It was so great to go and get away and concert it up. I love me a good concert and I love me a good concert shirt!!! So, I got 2!
Monday, March 21, 2011
I love this picture. This was the morning after I spent the night with my Grandma just her and me. I keep going back to that night, going back to our last morning together. Going back to the beginning of the entire process that Thursday night. It haunts my memory. I just want go back to Wednesday, crawl up in her bed again and press pause. I miss my sweet Grandma. Selfishly I want her and my Grandpa back. But I want the younger, healthier them back from my memories of when I was younger. I am so thankful for their strong influence in my life. A LOT has happened in the past 6 months. I have lost 2 grandparents. I have struggled for 3 years or more with depression and not understood why. I have been coming to a head with dealing with my issues the past 6 months when I started counseling in October. Struggling with my faith. But I think, with help, my head is slightly above the water. Slightly.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Grandma: The best ever
After a long hiatus, I have come and gone to see my family up north and back. Monday night I received word my dear Grandma was very very sick, not expected to make it through the night. She did. When she woke up she asked that we all come and gather near her for her last moments on earth.
I dropped everything and flew up late Tuesday night. There was no way I wasn't going to see my Grandma before she left this earth. My Grandpa passed away in December and it will always loom over me that I did not get to say a proper goodbye to him. It was so good to see her. Wednesday we moved her back to her ALF where she had planned on living for awhile until she was stronger.
Wednesday night I spent the night with her, just she and me. There is no way I would trade it for the world. I didn't get much sleep at all, but it was worth it. We shared breakfast together on her bed, side by side. I cried on her shoulder and she hugged me tight and comforted me. By the evening she was starting to slip some. But she held on for my sister and cousin, the last ones to arrive. We sang songs around her bed, read the Bible, told stories. I lay beside her, wanting to hug her forever, as long as I could.
It was a privilege to share the last moments with my Grandma. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Its difficult to describe the weight of knowledge as a nurse and the heart involved by being first a granddaughter. It was difficult, it was sweet. Helping Grandma pass was not easy, not easy at all. The look in her eyes when she knew it was time. There were about 15 people gathered around her bed all night. Me and another cousin stayed up all night with Grandma while bodies lay scattered around the tiny room. I took a 30 minute nap.
At 10:12 AM on March 11, Grandma breathed her last and joined her love, Grandpa, up in heaven with Jesus. Never in my life would I have imagined we would lose two great people in such a short amount of time.
I will remember you forever, Grandma. You had the sweetest, kindest heart in the world. You loved well. You loved to serve others, it was your joy. You were the best wife, mother, grandmother. You always made me feel special, even to the end. I'll never forget how you stroked my face and told me how beautiful I was and you didn't say it because I was your granddaughter, you said it because you meant it. I am so thankful and blessed to have shared a life with you. .
I knew this day would come. It breaks my heart. I know she is with Jesus, I know it. But that doesn't take away from the deep ache and longing I have to see her one more time and hold her close.
I dropped everything and flew up late Tuesday night. There was no way I wasn't going to see my Grandma before she left this earth. My Grandpa passed away in December and it will always loom over me that I did not get to say a proper goodbye to him. It was so good to see her. Wednesday we moved her back to her ALF where she had planned on living for awhile until she was stronger.
Wednesday night I spent the night with her, just she and me. There is no way I would trade it for the world. I didn't get much sleep at all, but it was worth it. We shared breakfast together on her bed, side by side. I cried on her shoulder and she hugged me tight and comforted me. By the evening she was starting to slip some. But she held on for my sister and cousin, the last ones to arrive. We sang songs around her bed, read the Bible, told stories. I lay beside her, wanting to hug her forever, as long as I could.
It was a privilege to share the last moments with my Grandma. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Its difficult to describe the weight of knowledge as a nurse and the heart involved by being first a granddaughter. It was difficult, it was sweet. Helping Grandma pass was not easy, not easy at all. The look in her eyes when she knew it was time. There were about 15 people gathered around her bed all night. Me and another cousin stayed up all night with Grandma while bodies lay scattered around the tiny room. I took a 30 minute nap.
At 10:12 AM on March 11, Grandma breathed her last and joined her love, Grandpa, up in heaven with Jesus. Never in my life would I have imagined we would lose two great people in such a short amount of time.
I will remember you forever, Grandma. You had the sweetest, kindest heart in the world. You loved well. You loved to serve others, it was your joy. You were the best wife, mother, grandmother. You always made me feel special, even to the end. I'll never forget how you stroked my face and told me how beautiful I was and you didn't say it because I was your granddaughter, you said it because you meant it. I am so thankful and blessed to have shared a life with you. .
I knew this day would come. It breaks my heart. I know she is with Jesus, I know it. But that doesn't take away from the deep ache and longing I have to see her one more time and hold her close.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I should be asleep, I have to work tomorrow. But of course when I need to be sleeping I'm wide awake. Sometimes for hours. Frustrating.
This has been an interesting week. I have had the joy of making new friends and meeting up with old ones. I hung out with 2 girls from the church I'm visiting. Last year I avoided people at all costs and was very scared at the thought of being able to get close to people. There was (and lets be real, still is) a lot of fear of getting to know people as well as letting them get to know me. I desperately want to be loved and accepted but hide away in fear of being rejected and hurt. And tonight I reconnected with an old friend, my best nursing school friend, Julie!!! So gooooooood to talk and catch up and be honest and hear one another. Love that girl so much!
Me and Julie freshly graduated 3 years ago (YIKES, 3 years ago?!?!)
Another couple of highlights (and some can be counted as low and high):
*it is good to cry (and one day hopefully not by myself but with others)
*honest talk is hard as hell, but is good for the soul
*random gym guy asking me if I would do a work out with him (think I'm gonna flake on that one)
*its ok to call out of work when you're mentally exhausted (even if you are scared)
(now I'm finishing this in the wee hours of the morn) Whats better than a Friday? A payday Friday! Here's to two days of work left this week and none til next Tuesday!
Two fist pumps for new friends and old ones!
This has been an interesting week. I have had the joy of making new friends and meeting up with old ones. I hung out with 2 girls from the church I'm visiting. Last year I avoided people at all costs and was very scared at the thought of being able to get close to people. There was (and lets be real, still is) a lot of fear of getting to know people as well as letting them get to know me. I desperately want to be loved and accepted but hide away in fear of being rejected and hurt. And tonight I reconnected with an old friend, my best nursing school friend, Julie!!! So gooooooood to talk and catch up and be honest and hear one another. Love that girl so much!
Me and Julie freshly graduated 3 years ago (YIKES, 3 years ago?!?!)Another couple of highlights (and some can be counted as low and high):
*it is good to cry (and one day hopefully not by myself but with others)
*honest talk is hard as hell, but is good for the soul
*random gym guy asking me if I would do a work out with him (think I'm gonna flake on that one)
*its ok to call out of work when you're mentally exhausted (even if you are scared)
(now I'm finishing this in the wee hours of the morn) Whats better than a Friday? A payday Friday! Here's to two days of work left this week and none til next Tuesday!
Two fist pumps for new friends and old ones!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
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