It was so good to have Pamela here this weekend. I was able to meet one of her teammates for lunch at a delish southern restaurant. We spent an evening with the Johnson family. We went to church together, at Pei Wei and rediscovered the joys of reading fortune cookies (thanks, Ande & Kelly from last week's hilarity of fortunes). Sunday night was a small gathering of people to hear of Pamela's upcoming 2 years in Uganda, which is very very exciting. We braved the WalMart near my house for Christmas tree decorations, but unable to find a real one. Then ensued an early Monday morning hunt for a real tree from Lowe's. Visited with 2 of Pamela's Orlando families before she flew back home.

Here are a few pics from the weekend. We realized we didn't take any at all when we started taking them.

Matching sweaters...we both planned to wear them unknowingly to Sunday night's support dessert, but she won.

Thanks, Pammy, for fixing up my living room. We all know I wouldn't have done it myself! So cute and cozy and Christmasy. If only our fireplace were cleaned out, we could have some nice fires. I love sitting on my couch with some hot chocolate and a book, listening to Christmas music. So calming and enjoyable!!

I am thankful for my friend, someone to share in the struggle.

Next week is Christmas, and I can't even believe it. So far only my brother is the only one getting a gift because I bought his before the family stuff happened. Might not happen for anyone else. It will be a sad Christmas. My grandpa's service is Tuesday morning, which puts a damper on the entire Christmas week. My grandma is rehab recovering from her hip replacement and also battling against some pneumonia. I hate hospitals.

Weekend

My Grandma is having surgery today to repair her femur. She fell on Tuesday night and has been in the hospital since. Today is the day. I pray she is safe during surgery. For a frail 80-something year old mostly healthy lady, still its stressful on the body and anything can happen. The recovery is the hard part. But, Grandma is pretty hardy and she is pretty resilient. She just needs to let people help her. In 2 weeks I'll be there for 8 days, which I'm thankful for. The paycheck will not be good....but its gonna all come out in the wash and not really matter in the end. Things will be tight, but I don't have any debt to worry about, just the monthly bills.

For once I'm looking forward to the weekend. Weekend to me usually means 1 or 2 days of work. Or deciding which church to attend: the church I've been going to for 4 years but still feel like a visitor most days? Or actually visit a new church by myself. Not that I can blame anyone for feeling that way, its my own fault. Or going home and coming right back because I have to work the next day, so 4.5 hours are spent in transit, which gets old pretty fast.


Pamela comes tonight!! I'm so excited to see my BFF. Such a short time we were friends here in Orlando, but the 2 years since she left we've become much closer. Such a dear friend, so good for me, so good for my heart. Honest, accepting, blunt, loving, and opinionated...but thats how I love her.
This girl comes in 10 more days back home to Florida. Hopefully I'll see this chica soon back home or here to spend another friend weekend. Another equally honest, broken but restored girl. I need more in my life.

Grandpa was a goof, what can I say? Love this pic.

Its a weird feeling thinking about my Grandpa. I am so relieved I do not have to worry about him any more. I don't have to worry about his health, getting sick, doing ok or not living with Grandma in their house by themselves. I'm not worried and that is a relief. I don't have to see his health decline or wonder when will the last time be that I will see him.

The last time I saw him was in July. It always made me sad that we didn't live close to our grandparents, especially in the last few years related to their declining health. Always wondering, will this be the last time I see my Grandpa? I really thought it would be last Christmas. I'm so glad for the last time I saw him in July. There were moments of lucidity where we had some good conversations about the past and the present and what was going on. I am so thankful that to the end his mind was mostly intact.

I am thankful for the his love of Christ and his wisdom in living his life in a manner pleasing to God. Not perfect, of courses, never perfect. I am thankful for his work ethic and strong strong sense of where he came from. He was raised by a mother who had no more than a 5th grade education and a father who was the local general store businessman. He grew up a country boy in the hills of Missouri. I loved listening to his stories of growing up during the Depression.

I loved the relationship I had with my Grandpa. He genuinely loved each and every one of his grandchildren and there was a special special bond he shared with each one. He never ceased to tell me how proud he was of me or how much he loved me. He never ceased to praise me with each accomplishment, even in my failure. I remember when I didn't get into nursing school. I talked to him and Grandma about how hard it was the first years they were married and just barely getting by with jobs here and there and the failures that came before their successes.

I am thankful for family and friends at this time. I love my family. I can't wait to go up there together and celebrate Grandpa's life. I know I can call on them whenever I need. Many more tears to come together and alone. There is a sense of peace in sharing the grief with those who know exactly what you are going through. I can't wait to learn more about how my Grandpa impacted my family as well as those in his community.

I am thankful for friends who sit there and listen and don't try to tell me its ok, because its not. All I want is for people to be there, not to make it better or try to console me. Please, just be there. Thankful for friends who take you to lunch to love a broken heart with good conversation and presence of spirit to just let you be and talk and cry if you need it. And let you be alone when you need it.

Love you, Grandpa.

Grandpa

Christmas 2009: Last Christmas with Grandpa

We lost a great one last night. A GREAT one. My Grandpa passed away last evening after being hospitalized for a bit. I don't want to talk about the end.

I want to talk about and remember the guy who had the best corny one liners. The Grandpa who squeezed my hand too hard when we walked through a parking lot because he was afraid I would get hit by a car. The man who used to drop coins purposefully when we would take walks just to hear squeals of delight when we found a quarter or a dime. The man who worked hard through the Depression, went to France in WWII, wooed my Grandma through old fashioned snail mail from Europe, raised 3 sons who love the Lord who in turn married ladies who do, who raised families that do. He had a generous generous heart for those around him. I remember finding out he pushed to allow the first African American on the school board back in the 60's when most people looked down upon such things. I was floored. He was a smart guy. Had his Ph Ed and was a principal and then a dean of sorts at a college and taught education.

Times like this, I will never forget. Just sitting and being, always a pot of coffee close at hand. I drink it black like Grandpa.

My grandparents were married for over 60 years. For the life of me I can't remember if it was 62 or 63. He picked a good one, one of the sweetest ladies I know. She is so strong at this time, stronger than I could ever be. I love them both so so much.

This was taken at their 60th wedding celebration. You should've seen them when they got married. You wouldn't have met a more handsome couple!!

My heart is so saddened knowing he is no longer with us. I will never get a big embrace or a sloppy kiss again. He will never ask me if I live around here and ride a bicycle. I will never hear him call me his Sweetie from Tahiti (He had many of them, you see, but we all felt like we were his sweetie). He will not be at my wedding, he will not meet the man I will marry. He will never see my children. They will never know him and that saddens me a lot. As soon as I turned 18, Grandpa would talk to me about marriage and finding a husband, which led to a lot of jokes about him wanting us to get hitched. I know he did it only because he wanted me to be looked after, he wanted to know I would be taken care of by someone. He will not see me walk down the aisle.

I love you, PawPaw. So much. I miss you already. I hope you're living it up up there with Jesus. I picture your mansion right next to your parents and your brother and Aunt Georgia. I love you so much and can't wait until I see you again in heaven.

Today I ran my first half marathon!!! I ran with my friend, Milvia, from work. She is awesome and an awesome nurse. I love working with her, but she is leaving for better pastures in January. I've enjoyed getting to know her over the past months and so sad to see her leave, but hoping for friendship to continue.

I ran in 2:02. Grrrr...barely over 2 hours. My goal was under 2 hours, but that will be for next time!! Milvia and I ran for 9 miles, then I split off. She came in about half a mile behind me, 6 min after I did. I fell on mile 11 on the brick road. I called it too. Thank goodness for pants because there would have been blood. Now I have a great bruised knee with road rash. Awesome.


I cleaned my room today. I have lived in my house since August, but never really unpacked. Here's what is has looked like since I moved in. But this is the worst is has ever looked . I haven't unpacked from Washington DC trip and Thanksgiving last weekend.


And here's what it looks like now!!!!


Please pray for my Grandpa. His health has been on the decline as of late and he has been hospitalized for over a week now. I love this guy. He is my PawPaw Bear. My Grandma is so strong. Just keep them in your prayers.

My Thanksgiving weekend was quite uneventful. I had a great day at work, going from 5 to 2 patients most of the day. Fantastic. Stick your head in, pass meds, walk your patients, get to talk to them more. Great!! And still time to hang out at the nurse's station. Unlike the movies and tv shows...nurses do NOT hang out at the nurse's station!! At least this one doesn't.

Arrived at home home late Thursday night, went to bed for 2 hours, then back up for Black Friday shopping!! I was orginally going for a tv, but when we got to Target the line was waaaay long. My hopes of nabbing one was gone. Oh well. It was a crazy house! We were mulling along when I noticed an unattended shopping cart all alone in an aisle with my tv in it. I watched it for a few minutes, no one came back, so I took it. And now I have my new tv! Yay! After a fun yummy breakast with friends at Cracker Barrel, I crashed for a few hours. Spent the afternoon and evening with Sarah and her family after we visited my old RUF minister/now friend and his family. Good day!

Saw Harry Potter again, still good!! Still cried, yes, still cried. Its always good to cry, especially when I can't cry very much to begin with. I'm not a crier, but I wish I was.

Things in December that I'm looking forward to (DECEMBER??? What?)
-all weekends off (yay!)
-family trip to St Louis
-Pamela coming next weekend (and I'm not working, so happy!)
-Christmas
-Cold weather....