Hello, blogger world. I sit here in the dusk, nearly dark, evening by candlelight. In 1 week I will be out of here, on vacation up with the family. A couple of days in St Louis, a couple of days on the farm. I can't wait. Life has been difficult. I want to get away. I have never been on a vacation to an exotic place, touristy area, or cabin in the woods. Vacation to me always means a good ol' trip to see the family. And by family I mean 4 grandparents, 18 aunts and uncles, and 43+ cousins. Always different, always hoping for it to be the same, yet disappointed when it changes little by little. Grandparents getting older and able to do less. Cousins growing up and living their seperate lives, making their own families, going on their own ways. Its a testament to our grandparents that we gather around every Christmas and various times during the year. The special occasion is my mom's parent's 60th anniversary.

And I can't wait.

Here is the reenactment of the first pic from my last post, about 18 years later. Blowing out the candles, together once again. I went home and celebrated Natalie's birthday by going out to dinner, then cake with the family. Natalie and I ended it with Twilight Scene It and Harry Potter Spells on our iPhones. Then we watched Harry Potter when we got up in the morning We are so grown up. It was a great night and a great little trip home. I hope I never grow up.

Birthday Thunder Stealer

Happy Birthday, to my little sister, Natalie! She is 23 today. We are 2 years and 5 days apart. I remember growing up, I would always have to add that 5 days in there. Why? I don't know, maybe to prove I really was older than her even though I looked younger.

Nat wrote such a moving post about me on her blog, I thought to return the favor fav. There were years when we were little that me and my older sis would gang up on Nat and pick on her. I mean, hey, what are big sisters for? But as we grew up and circumstances changed, we became buds. In high school, not so much, until near the end of high school when we fell into the same likes and dislikes. In college I moved back home for a year and that was the time when we really became close and ridiculous in our communication. My Mom has told us she likes to sit back and watch us talk together because we know what the other is meaning to say and we never say it in full. On the outside looking in, it more on the cryptic side.

I apologize, Nat, for calling you Nat the Fat. Because you never were or are. You are my best friend, and I'm glad for it. I'm glad you are a nurse like me. We understand each other on that level when we can't talk to anyone else about it. I love that you are such an LOTR nerd like myself, love BMW, the Chroni(what)cles of Narnia, love coffee (altho you are way off on your cream usage), know your way around the Magic Kingdom like the back of your hand, love epic soundtracks. The list could go on. I love that even when life is hard up and down, you do strive to still follow Jesus.

I hope your 23rd year is better than last. It should be, after all we are planning our super awesome D.C. trip in October!! Plus we have our year to finish out our Disney passes! And you will have a year done with your first nursing job. I am so proud of you for working on that floor, as hard as it is, and doing your very best. You are brave and strong, even when mean doctors yell at you, or rude patients are on the call bell every other second, or coworkers fall through and don't back you up.

And this is how I will always remember us: nerdy and care free in our younger days. I love you, Natalie!

Surprise!

Under the guise of "roommate pictures" I was a co-conspirator for my roommate, Katie's, engagement! The goal: get Katie to Leu Gardens without any idea of her fiance waiting for her. We walked around the gardens, "waiting" for my friend to be there to take our pictures. She fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. Total surprise, totally worth it. Glad to be there to witness the event! We took her to the beautiful Rose Garden, where Josh waited and took it from there!

Photo op, wasting time before meandering to the Rose Garden.

Watching the event. I felt like I shouldn't be watching, but we did, camera snapping away.

Josh and Katie

The end result...eternal jealousy until our time comes

It had to be one of the hottest, most humid days of the year. At least our pictures don't show how melted we all were by the end of the morning! Hoorah! Looking forward to the wedding in August!

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him".

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord

It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him.

Let him bury his face in the dust- there maybe yet be hope

Let him offer his cheek to the one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfaithful love.

For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

To crush underfoot all prisoners of the land to deny a man his rights before the Most High, to deprive a man of justice- would not he Lord see such things?

Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it?

Is it no from the mouth of the Most High that both calamaties and good things come?

Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins?

Lamentations 3: 23-39

Twenty-Five

I feel loneliness in my heart and long for companionship of friends gone. Today I am missing old college friends. Friends who have moved on to different parts of the country and different adventures, yet here I sit. Its as if I watch life on the sidelines. Loneliness has been my friend as of late. Not every day, no, but many a day. Its just hard, but I don't know if I make it harder on myself than it should be.

Contentment. I wrestle with this stupid feeling or lack of. Ok, God, where are you taking me in this life?? How can others around me know what they are supposed to be doing and yet I feel like a wanderer in the desert? By no means is my life hard, it is just the "every day-ness" that is getting to me as I ache for wholeness in a world where it will never be fulfilled. And I don't know what to do with it. I lately have had a restlessness in my heart for true and deep friendship, connection, giving and receiving love (friends as well as a longing for a guy...where are you boy?), living a life with some meaning instead of just passing through. I thought by now I would have it all together. Now I realize that may never happen. Or when I think I do, another wrench is thrown in the picture.

Hmmm, ponderings of a soon to be 25 year old. That, my friends, is a quarter of a century. What to do with my next 25? Am I wallowing here? I don't mean to be, just tired of writing about what I'm doing instead of what I'm feeling.

But, ah, what a beautiful morning I had at the beach yesterday. Thank you, Jesus, for morning beach days.

Its been awhile since I was on the blogging scene, although I've kept up with other friend's blogs. I have been keeping up with work, hanging out with people, lost a roommate, reunited with an old roommate and got a 2nd on top of that, went home, went to the beach numerous times...eh not much going on here.

Work has been good. Of course, ups and downs, but last week was a great week. I had some great patients and great families who were very thankful for help. It is helpful when that happens. Some are grateful, some are indifferent, and there is that percentage who believes they are entitled and are owed all of my time, attention, and skills. One of my patients this week went into a very dangerous heart rhythm, but we got her back. Only after almost 4 hours of it...scary. Just when I was sitting down to catch up on all my charting with everyone, this happens!! One to one for the whole afternoon with my patient, and I stayed until 9:30pm charting. I have some great managers and support who stepped in to help me in this situation, now I'll know what to do next time!!

Typical day at work, existence on coffee alone. Ugh, do I always look so tired?

Lovely beach day with Lauren and Nat.

We had a deluge when I went home and I caught some pics. McDonald's is so identifiable every where you go.

Alexandria and I hung out all yesterday. I went with her to get her nose repierced, quite an experience!! Afterwards we went to my pool were were both got a little crispy. We made dinner, we are quite proud to say. If I could make stuff like this all the time, I would switch over to being a vegetarian in no time. This dish was DELICIOUS!!!! Follow link for the recipe.

Mexican Lasagna

Natalie and I made a trip to Disney a few weeks ago and ate at Cinderella's Castle for breakfast! All you can eat and it was delicious!! So fancy and fun! I felt like a bum going in there. We got our pictures with 4 princesses, including a nice profesh photo with Cinderella. We are still deciding what to do with that picture. Give it to our Mom? We both love Disney and go at least every other month, trying to do at least once. I'm going today, actually.

I got an iPhone. I'm so with it now. Not really, since they have been out for 3 years and I am just getting one. But I love it anyways. Natalie tells me I'm obsessed, well maybe I am. But she was too when she first got hers!! I'm too connected, but I love it.

Roommate Ashley moved out in anticipation of getting married at the end of the month. Old roommate, and one of the best ever, Kristi, moved in. Her sister, Katie, also moved in. Ah, good old times. I am loving it!!