I have a lake that is very near my house. There are a bunch of ducks that live at the pond. They are the brown kind, I guess Mallards maybe? Who knows. Among those 20 ducks or so, there is one big white one. He must be a cool duck, because all the other brown ducks want to be around him, but he just doesn't seem to fit in. It makes me laugh every time I see that guy because he really sticks out. I saw him this morning when I drove to the gym. And I thought, "Wow, I feel like that duck."

I'm at a weird place in life where I don't seem to fit in or mesh with the crowd. I feel like I am the odd duck out. I'm a single gal, not quite sure what to do with my life. I'm battling the weight of a full time job, friends moving away, loneliness, job transition. The whole time questioning: "God, what are you doing with me? Why do you take me through this? Why?" But, He is taking me through this. He doesn't just push me off the edge and say, "Hope you can keep your head above water". My sinful self wants to believe that has happened. Yet, God has always proved Himself faithful through great times in my life as well as hard times in my life. Even now I know He is walking me through this desolate time and He is walking me through with reason. I don't know what the reason is. I hope I know sometime in the future.

I've been told the things we run to and look for to be our "savior" will crumble and rot and not fill us up. All I wanted was to go to school to be a nurse. Nursing school was hard and I spent many an anxious night studying instead of hanging out with people. I look back on my college years with regrets. All I wanted was to just work. Now I drag my feet to go to work. Over the past few months it has frustrated me to a near mental breaking point. I couldn't wait until I could just do my own thing. I do my own thing, I am painfully aware of my introversion and loneliness I feel. I am also tired of not being in a relationship with a guy. Maybe that's why I am currently single. I would screw that up as well at the moment. Hm.

I thought I would have a better way to wrap up this post. I seem to be lacking the mental capacity to put any more of my words together. And all of this because of a duck.