It is 2:45AM, all reasonable people are sleeping. I can't sleep. Probably doesn't help that I had no coffee today and slept some of the late afternoon and evening.

Tonight I watched a documentary called "America the Beautiful". I recommend it! It followed one main story, but brought in different elements of beauty. The striking thing from that movie to me were the little girls that were interviewed who already thought they were ugly. No one had told them that, they weren't even sure why they thought they were ugly. But it was set, they were ugly, when in fact they were beautiful young girls! It is amazing the standard of beautiful that we put ourselves up to, to which we compare ourselves. And then the extremes women go to become beautiful. I am guilty on so many levels of this, striving to look better according to the standards of the world/Hollywood.

In a sense it also made me feel kind of superfluous. Where does seeking beauty on the outside get me? Obviously, I strive for beauty to make myself feel whole, worthy, and accepted, to name a few. In reality it leaves me very empty, depressed, and striving for more. Why do I think my worth is so fixed on how I look and how I am accepted. Its true, thats what I believe.

Well, I started this last night when I couldn't fall asleep. Ended up listening to a podcasts from RUF at UCF. Been struggling a lot with believing in Jesus and that I can trust him. Jesus owns the storms, He owns my failures, my successes. Thank goodness my faith is not my hope, because this girl's faith is so weak. I run to so many things, not finding rest in any of them, in fact finding discontent and loneliness.

On a lighter note, the other night I was having some fun on my computer with two of my favorite peeps:

Talking about parks with Scout. Seriously, I want this dog. At least one of his offspring, so please go get a lady friend, Scout!!

Owen and I took some pics and made some videos for some friends. He was so enthralled with just looking at himself. Seriously, can you find a cuter little guy? Hope my little kiddos are as cute as that! Love going to play with him. We fly around his backyard playing airplane, drop rocks on the ground (because we don't throw them), read books, build crazy tall towers made of blocks, play in his tunnel which makes one claustrophobic. I love kids. I want to be one when I grow up.